The Adventures of Long John Silver: Dragon Slayer

Long John mopes at the Bull and Blunderbuss.

Plot synopsis: Long John and Purity have a fight and he moves out of the Cask & Anchor and refuses to allow his crew to patronize it. When Captain Redbeard shows up, he gets between them.

Thoughts:

One would think that Long John and Purity would have had a

million fights by now considering the way each tries to

manipulate the other, and the impetus for their big break being Long John calling her "stupid" lacks credibility. One would think he would have called her far worse by now.

A lot of the story turns on Redbeard's machinations and

attempts to turn the rift between Purity and Long John to his advantage. The fact that Purity buys into his sweet talk isn't

too shocking considering how often she succumbs to Long John's blarney, though you'd think she'd have spent enough years around pirates that she'd know better.

The fact that Redbeard can't be trusted is something the audience is only too well aware of because he gives

conspiratorial looks to one of his lackeys. I have to give Redbeard credit for actually acting like one would expect a

pirate to act, but he's a little too laugh-happy. He broadly laughs at his own words far too often.

Redbeard (and his cohort with the accordion) hold Purity hostage.

Favorite moments:

The tavern that Long John goes to after a falling out with the Purity that has him moving out of the Cask & Anchor is called "The Bull and Blunderbuss." "Blunderbuss" is a great word.

Redbeard wears more eyeliner than most heavily-painted prostitutes.

Jim is more emotionally mature than either of his guardians, though slightly naive about attacking two full-grown pirates when they grab Purity.

Favorite quotes:

Ironhand to barmaid: "Long John aughtn't have called Miss Purity "stupid"."

Barmaid: "Up until then it was any other row between them, a pleasure to listen to."

Purity to Ironhand: "At long last, I have a tavern that caters to the respectable trade."

Ironhand: "So respectable, they all stays at home."

Redbeard to Long John: "From all I hear, you're in need of a shipment. A shipment that knows the way to the weaker sex."

Purity to Long John: "You tin horn dragon slayer."

Stray notions:

One of Long John's more dim-witted crew member sings like a bird at the prospect of a pork pie baked by Purity.

Long John gets angry when Ironhand reports that Purity

instructed Redbeard to use Long John's booth. I guess that might be some sort of weird middle-aged territorial mating issue.

Sailors always know how to play hand accordions.

Redbeard and Long John rendezvous at "Dead Man's Bay." That's a nice piratey name.

Mold to Gold Rating:

Any story line which involves Purity having a hissy fit is like a minefield. The story has to tread lightly around the more irritating aspects of her character in particular, and to not (further) emasculate Long John. The main problem with this story is that it turns more on Redbeard's devious nature and

not on Long John's. It's hard to believe that either Long John or Miss Purity would trust him. I give this props for being a good pirate adventure tale, but it lacked charm and made the two main characters look pretty gullible.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Devil's Stew

Long John gambles away his ship with a 200 gold sovereigns note.

Plot synopsis: Long John gambles away his ship to a pirate with loaded dice and decides to take "Devil" Dixon up on a deal to do legitimate sailing.

Thoughts:

This is a rare episode in that Long John does something very violent and in line with being a pirate when he stabs a pirate who is trying to cheat him in the hand. You'd think that would happen more often in a television series about a pirate with a bad reputation, but Long John is essentially neutered 99% of the time. He really doesn't work as a character with the premise of the show otherwise since no self-respecting pirate would hang out in a tavern allowing himself to be nagged all the time nor would he fret over a cabin boy's future.

Long John turned to Purity for the money, and quite in line with her character, she refuses. Long John losing his ship increases the chances that he'll join her working the Cask &

Anchor when he runs out of other options or follow the path of legitimate trade (hauling livestock) that she wants him to follow.

What follows is a little adventure story where Long John takes people who are trying to take him. It's what happens when a group of dishonest and devious people maintain their respective charade of being honest.

Long John shares some goat stew with Mendoza, the cream puff Spanish officer.

Favorite moments:

The episode opens with the town crier shouting "twelve

o'clock and all is well." It reminds me that this is a rare aural reminder of the era, and I like it.

Purity stands in her room holding her wedding dress. One has to wonder how many times she has found herself doing that

while waiting for Long John to do right by her. It was an old-fashioned idea, but it fits her character.

Dixon's lackey smacks a Spanish collaborator a few times and the Spaniard folds like a deck of cards. He was quite the Latin marshmallow.

Long John makes a stew out of one of the goats. I always enjoy seeing him playing cook.

Favorite quotes:
Long John to Ironhand: "Aargh, women, Ironhand, they be queer cattle.

Purity to Long John: "Are you suggesting that I, that I should set sail with a load of foul-smelling animals?" (given that he travels with pirates, there was undeniable irony in this

statement.)

There aren't a lot of funny lines in this one, but the words "we all be honest men" or variations thereof are uttered with irony quite a few times.

Stray notions:

Bartholomew "Devil" Dixon's lackey is the oddest looking creature that I have ever seen. I'm not sure what he's supposed to be, but yellow face make-up, an earring, a straw hat and a diminished affect didn't offer me any clues. It was an abysmal make-up job.

Purity is just as devious and selfish as Long John when she sends Ironhand around to all of Long John's potential creditors and tells them not to loan money to him.

Purity and Long John both call each other "lover bird". One can't imagine these two ever kiss, hug or do the

nasty together.

The animals are kept on deck. There's no way they wouldn't be kept in a hold somewhere.

The actor who plays Devil Dixon has a nose Jaime Farr would envy.

Ironhand has one of the worst prosthetic hook make-up jobs I've ever seen.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I liked this from the start because I knew it was going to be all about pirates and ships. Even though I didn't like the set up (as I don't believe Long John would gamble away something as important as his ship), I liked the double-devious machinations going on with both Purity and Long John, and the fact that part of the episode took place on the ship. The creative way in which Long John negotiates a bribe with the Spaniard is quite a treat. This was a nice light-hearted little pirate tale.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Dead Reckoning

Long John greets Sir Harwood as they all dine together at the Captain's table.

Plot synopsis: A relative of Jim's threatens to take him away from Long John after a minor incident with the boy who is "practically royalty".

Thoughts:

This episode trots out a concept that I dislike in television shows. That is one in which something is going to be taken away from someone for relatively arbitrary reasons in order to create drama. The reason this doesn't work is that we know that whatever it is (in this case Jim Hawkins) won't be taken away as it's always some essential element of the series. It must be rather inconvenient for writers because they have to choose something important enough for the viewer to care about the loss of it. If it were anything less, it would make more be more suspenseful, but no one would care.

In order to stop the governor from sending Jim away, Long John suggests that they send Jim to a school for "lads of quality" in "Bermuder". This paves the way for another story line which I don't like which is where a nice character is placed in a situation where he is mistreated and can't or won't fight back for various reasons.

I also was not keen on the old trope of the lad of quality, in this case, Algae Harwood, being a "little gentleman" on the outside and a little monster on the inside. You just know that he's going to set Jim up again and again to take the blame or look bad. To his credit, Jim initially doesn't just placidly take a kick from the thuggish mini-fop. He tells him he'll bash his head in if he kicks him again, as one might expect from a kid being raised by a pirate. Unfortunately, the backbone he shows at that moment is undermined by his playing servant to and taking orders from Algae once they reach the boarding school. In order to preserve the abuse Jim takes, the old idea that tattling is worse than anything is used as a thin excuse. Once he reaches the school, Jim is blamed for everything Algae does and punished for Algae's misdeeds.

This was far more annoying familiar story elements than I'm accustomed to in one episode and I'm not going to be as forgiving as I normally am based on the age of the series. I have to imagine that at least some of them were well-worn even in the 50's.

Finally held accountable for his bad acts, Algae rubs his sore behind after a caning as Jim sits on his bunk eating the bread and water he has been put on.

Favorite moments:

Purity actually locks Jim in his room. I guess she wasn't worried about a fire breaking out and trapping him.

Long John goes to dinner with the lord and lady whose little monster Jim is accused of nearly killing and sits down first. There's a pregnant pause as Purity stands back and waits for him to do the proper thing and allow her to sit first.

I always love the over-the-top snooty people when they encounter Purity. There are a lot of eyes cast askance for everything that Purity does from how she speaks to how she ladles soup.

Long John tucks his napkin in at the neck, as all gauche types do.

When the headmaster catches Algae having set up gunpowder under his desk, his overacting is classic and priceless.

Sir Percival Harwood calls Jim a "gutter snipe" and Purity calls Lady Harwood a "pop 'n jay." I loved the use of these old words to bandy about insults.

When Jim and Algae are found, they both look like ship-wreck survivors. It's beautifully too much.

Favorite quotes:

Purity to Jim: "You'll stay in your room with naught but bread and milk." (as a kid, that wouldn't have sounded so terrible to me as I loved both of these things).

Purity to Long John: "Like you, you swivel tongue swab, he lies to me."

Long John to Sir Percival Harwood: "They might grow up to be shipmates together. Put a little red blood in your pasty-faced young 'un."

The man who was coming to take Jim (missed his name) to Purity: "Your tears cannot swerve me one whit from my appointed task, madame."

Stray notions:

The man who wants to take Jim away is "Squire Trelawney". I couldn't help but think of the Star Trek episode, "The Squire of Gothos" and the character named "Trelane." It makes me wonder if the Trek writers remembered the name unconsciously and refashioned it for the show.

There's a part where Robert Newton narrates over a clip of The Faithful (Long' John's ship). Newton stumbled over a few words very briefly. In this day and age, that would certainly have been redone.

I love the look of the old-style chalkboard in the school as well as the desks and chairs.

Locking Jim in his room seems to be an obsession with the adults. Both Purity and the Rosé School headmaster lock him in. This time, someone actually does set a fire while Jim is locked in, though it doesn't really get rolling.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I had a genuine chuckle during this episode, and there were a lot of good moments leading up to Jim's arrival at the Rosé school for gentleman. The predictable nature of so many of the backbones of the story undermined things for me, but not enough to ruin the pleasure I took in the good moments. That being said, the second half is tedious for the most part. The little kid who plays Algae Harwood was also a bad actor. He seems to have gone to the cute/naughty/loud technique of acting that was inspired by old T.V. shows like "The Little Rascals." The various characters' 180 at the end lacks verisimilitude as well. Balancing things out, I'd give the good moments an 8 and the tedious ones a 3. I'm averaging that out for the rating.