The Adventures of Long John Silver: Dragon Slayer

Long John mopes at the Bull and Blunderbuss.

Plot synopsis: Long John and Purity have a fight and he moves out of the Cask & Anchor and refuses to allow his crew to patronize it. When Captain Redbeard shows up, he gets between them.

Thoughts:

One would think that Long John and Purity would have had a

million fights by now considering the way each tries to

manipulate the other, and the impetus for their big break being Long John calling her "stupid" lacks credibility. One would think he would have called her far worse by now.

A lot of the story turns on Redbeard's machinations and

attempts to turn the rift between Purity and Long John to his advantage. The fact that Purity buys into his sweet talk isn't

too shocking considering how often she succumbs to Long John's blarney, though you'd think she'd have spent enough years around pirates that she'd know better.

The fact that Redbeard can't be trusted is something the audience is only too well aware of because he gives

conspiratorial looks to one of his lackeys. I have to give Redbeard credit for actually acting like one would expect a

pirate to act, but he's a little too laugh-happy. He broadly laughs at his own words far too often.

Redbeard (and his cohort with the accordion) hold Purity hostage.

Favorite moments:

The tavern that Long John goes to after a falling out with the Purity that has him moving out of the Cask & Anchor is called "The Bull and Blunderbuss." "Blunderbuss" is a great word.

Redbeard wears more eyeliner than most heavily-painted prostitutes.

Jim is more emotionally mature than either of his guardians, though slightly naive about attacking two full-grown pirates when they grab Purity.

Favorite quotes:

Ironhand to barmaid: "Long John aughtn't have called Miss Purity "stupid"."

Barmaid: "Up until then it was any other row between them, a pleasure to listen to."

Purity to Ironhand: "At long last, I have a tavern that caters to the respectable trade."

Ironhand: "So respectable, they all stays at home."

Redbeard to Long John: "From all I hear, you're in need of a shipment. A shipment that knows the way to the weaker sex."

Purity to Long John: "You tin horn dragon slayer."

Stray notions:

One of Long John's more dim-witted crew member sings like a bird at the prospect of a pork pie baked by Purity.

Long John gets angry when Ironhand reports that Purity

instructed Redbeard to use Long John's booth. I guess that might be some sort of weird middle-aged territorial mating issue.

Sailors always know how to play hand accordions.

Redbeard and Long John rendezvous at "Dead Man's Bay." That's a nice piratey name.

Mold to Gold Rating:

Any story line which involves Purity having a hissy fit is like a minefield. The story has to tread lightly around the more irritating aspects of her character in particular, and to not (further) emasculate Long John. The main problem with this story is that it turns more on Redbeard's devious nature and

not on Long John's. It's hard to believe that either Long John or Miss Purity would trust him. I give this props for being a good pirate adventure tale, but it lacked charm and made the two main characters look pretty gullible.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Devil's Stew

Long John gambles away his ship with a 200 gold sovereigns note.

Plot synopsis: Long John gambles away his ship to a pirate with loaded dice and decides to take "Devil" Dixon up on a deal to do legitimate sailing.

Thoughts:

This is a rare episode in that Long John does something very violent and in line with being a pirate when he stabs a pirate who is trying to cheat him in the hand. You'd think that would happen more often in a television series about a pirate with a bad reputation, but Long John is essentially neutered 99% of the time. He really doesn't work as a character with the premise of the show otherwise since no self-respecting pirate would hang out in a tavern allowing himself to be nagged all the time nor would he fret over a cabin boy's future.

Long John turned to Purity for the money, and quite in line with her character, she refuses. Long John losing his ship increases the chances that he'll join her working the Cask &

Anchor when he runs out of other options or follow the path of legitimate trade (hauling livestock) that she wants him to follow.

What follows is a little adventure story where Long John takes people who are trying to take him. It's what happens when a group of dishonest and devious people maintain their respective charade of being honest.

Long John shares some goat stew with Mendoza, the cream puff Spanish officer.

Favorite moments:

The episode opens with the town crier shouting "twelve

o'clock and all is well." It reminds me that this is a rare aural reminder of the era, and I like it.

Purity stands in her room holding her wedding dress. One has to wonder how many times she has found herself doing that

while waiting for Long John to do right by her. It was an old-fashioned idea, but it fits her character.

Dixon's lackey smacks a Spanish collaborator a few times and the Spaniard folds like a deck of cards. He was quite the Latin marshmallow.

Long John makes a stew out of one of the goats. I always enjoy seeing him playing cook.

Favorite quotes:
Long John to Ironhand: "Aargh, women, Ironhand, they be queer cattle.

Purity to Long John: "Are you suggesting that I, that I should set sail with a load of foul-smelling animals?" (given that he travels with pirates, there was undeniable irony in this

statement.)

There aren't a lot of funny lines in this one, but the words "we all be honest men" or variations thereof are uttered with irony quite a few times.

Stray notions:

Bartholomew "Devil" Dixon's lackey is the oddest looking creature that I have ever seen. I'm not sure what he's supposed to be, but yellow face make-up, an earring, a straw hat and a diminished affect didn't offer me any clues. It was an abysmal make-up job.

Purity is just as devious and selfish as Long John when she sends Ironhand around to all of Long John's potential creditors and tells them not to loan money to him.

Purity and Long John both call each other "lover bird". One can't imagine these two ever kiss, hug or do the

nasty together.

The animals are kept on deck. There's no way they wouldn't be kept in a hold somewhere.

The actor who plays Devil Dixon has a nose Jaime Farr would envy.

Ironhand has one of the worst prosthetic hook make-up jobs I've ever seen.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I liked this from the start because I knew it was going to be all about pirates and ships. Even though I didn't like the set up (as I don't believe Long John would gamble away something as important as his ship), I liked the double-devious machinations going on with both Purity and Long John, and the fact that part of the episode took place on the ship. The creative way in which Long John negotiates a bribe with the Spaniard is quite a treat. This was a nice light-hearted little pirate tale.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Dead Reckoning

Long John greets Sir Harwood as they all dine together at the Captain's table.

Plot synopsis: A relative of Jim's threatens to take him away from Long John after a minor incident with the boy who is "practically royalty".

Thoughts:

This episode trots out a concept that I dislike in television shows. That is one in which something is going to be taken away from someone for relatively arbitrary reasons in order to create drama. The reason this doesn't work is that we know that whatever it is (in this case Jim Hawkins) won't be taken away as it's always some essential element of the series. It must be rather inconvenient for writers because they have to choose something important enough for the viewer to care about the loss of it. If it were anything less, it would make more be more suspenseful, but no one would care.

In order to stop the governor from sending Jim away, Long John suggests that they send Jim to a school for "lads of quality" in "Bermuder". This paves the way for another story line which I don't like which is where a nice character is placed in a situation where he is mistreated and can't or won't fight back for various reasons.

I also was not keen on the old trope of the lad of quality, in this case, Algae Harwood, being a "little gentleman" on the outside and a little monster on the inside. You just know that he's going to set Jim up again and again to take the blame or look bad. To his credit, Jim initially doesn't just placidly take a kick from the thuggish mini-fop. He tells him he'll bash his head in if he kicks him again, as one might expect from a kid being raised by a pirate. Unfortunately, the backbone he shows at that moment is undermined by his playing servant to and taking orders from Algae once they reach the boarding school. In order to preserve the abuse Jim takes, the old idea that tattling is worse than anything is used as a thin excuse. Once he reaches the school, Jim is blamed for everything Algae does and punished for Algae's misdeeds.

This was far more annoying familiar story elements than I'm accustomed to in one episode and I'm not going to be as forgiving as I normally am based on the age of the series. I have to imagine that at least some of them were well-worn even in the 50's.

Finally held accountable for his bad acts, Algae rubs his sore behind after a caning as Jim sits on his bunk eating the bread and water he has been put on.

Favorite moments:

Purity actually locks Jim in his room. I guess she wasn't worried about a fire breaking out and trapping him.

Long John goes to dinner with the lord and lady whose little monster Jim is accused of nearly killing and sits down first. There's a pregnant pause as Purity stands back and waits for him to do the proper thing and allow her to sit first.

I always love the over-the-top snooty people when they encounter Purity. There are a lot of eyes cast askance for everything that Purity does from how she speaks to how she ladles soup.

Long John tucks his napkin in at the neck, as all gauche types do.

When the headmaster catches Algae having set up gunpowder under his desk, his overacting is classic and priceless.

Sir Percival Harwood calls Jim a "gutter snipe" and Purity calls Lady Harwood a "pop 'n jay." I loved the use of these old words to bandy about insults.

When Jim and Algae are found, they both look like ship-wreck survivors. It's beautifully too much.

Favorite quotes:

Purity to Jim: "You'll stay in your room with naught but bread and milk." (as a kid, that wouldn't have sounded so terrible to me as I loved both of these things).

Purity to Long John: "Like you, you swivel tongue swab, he lies to me."

Long John to Sir Percival Harwood: "They might grow up to be shipmates together. Put a little red blood in your pasty-faced young 'un."

The man who was coming to take Jim (missed his name) to Purity: "Your tears cannot swerve me one whit from my appointed task, madame."

Stray notions:

The man who wants to take Jim away is "Squire Trelawney". I couldn't help but think of the Star Trek episode, "The Squire of Gothos" and the character named "Trelane." It makes me wonder if the Trek writers remembered the name unconsciously and refashioned it for the show.

There's a part where Robert Newton narrates over a clip of The Faithful (Long' John's ship). Newton stumbled over a few words very briefly. In this day and age, that would certainly have been redone.

I love the look of the old-style chalkboard in the school as well as the desks and chairs.

Locking Jim in his room seems to be an obsession with the adults. Both Purity and the Rosé School headmaster lock him in. This time, someone actually does set a fire while Jim is locked in, though it doesn't really get rolling.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I had a genuine chuckle during this episode, and there were a lot of good moments leading up to Jim's arrival at the Rosé school for gentleman. The predictable nature of so many of the backbones of the story undermined things for me, but not enough to ruin the pleasure I took in the good moments. That being said, the second half is tedious for the most part. The little kid who plays Algae Harwood was also a bad actor. He seems to have gone to the cute/naughty/loud technique of acting that was inspired by old T.V. shows like "The Little Rascals." The various characters' 180 at the end lacks verisimilitude as well. Balancing things out, I'd give the good moments an 8 and the tedious ones a 3. I'm averaging that out for the rating.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Miss Purity's Birthday

Purity laments the fact that no one remembers her birthday anymore.

Plot synopsis: Purity's birthday comes around and Long John does not seem to have a clue.

Thoughts:

I have trepidation about any episode focusing on Miss Purity because she's so bellicose and over the top. Fortunately, there were genuine moments showing her as a person with dimension and depth. It becomes a little clearer that her loud and sometimes angry nature is her acting out on a sense that her life is squandered and that no one sincerely cares about her.

This episode opens with a bait and switch shot of a huge multi-tiered cake. Since the episode title is "Miss Purity's Birthday", one might think that we were going to see her cutting the cake but it ends up being the governor's daughter's party. The governor in his wife are very respectful to Miss Purity despite her lowly station in life. It's a nice balance against the people of high status who look down on those who they view as being from a lower station.

The very concept of an episode like this seems very predictable from the opening minutes. Long John has clearly forgotten or does not care about Purity's birthday and she's going to sob, wail, and shout at him, but this turns into a deeper episode where Miss Purity learns to find another way to give meaning to her life and enjoy her birthday by assisting people who have genuine need. I think that we're meant to see that focusing on cakes, gifts, and attention is just as selfish as Long John's behavior. It's merely a different type of selfishness.

Favorite moments:

I love the two snooty magpies who speak disdainfully of Miss Purity as she sits next to them at the governor's daughter's birthday party (which Jim attends).

When Purity laments that there is nothing left for her in life as compared to her youth, you get a real sense of the mindset of a woman of her age, in any era.

I liked the touch of having Purity pour water into a basin in preparation for morning ablutions. It's a tip of the hat to the times.

The Reverend is very sweet when he gives Purity a bouquet of flowers and wishes her a happy birthday.

Favorite quotes:

Purity to Jim: "Such hopes as one has as a child, and now, as the years roll on and birthdays come, nobody cares."

Long John: "So, you've been out nobbin' with the gentry, 'ave yee?"
Purity: "Better than yee could do. Look at the cut of you in your greasy rags, wallowing like a pig in swill (as she gestures to mugs of rum)."

Long John: "Let a woman 'ave her way in a matter of business and she'll have you hog-tied."

Reverend to nervous expectant father: "Fathers are made every minute of the day, my son, and they generally survive."

Purity admires the hat Long John got her as a birthday gift.

Stray notions:

This episode had the same Jim Hawkin's narrated opening as in a previous episode, but it is extended to include talk about Purity also being Jim's guardian.

The kid's play "London Bridge is Falling Down" during the birthday party. I wonder if kids even know the song anymore, let alone play the game.

Ironhand, Purity's waiter and general lackey, tries to eavesdrop on Long John as he discusses his next journey, but Long John shoos him away as he knows he'll tell Purity everything.

Purity's birthday is March 16.

For some reason, I was struck more acutely that the set construction was very cheap as the Cask and Anchor was being approached by Purity and the Reverend on their carriage.

Miss Purity is a feisty wench who is ready to kick the asses of anyone who sneaked into her establishment. You can see a bit of why Long John is attracted to her.

Purity gets the same cake as the governor's daughter. It just has a few fewer tiers.

Long John gives Purity an extremely tacky hat as a gift, but she seems to love it.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I realize that the basic message of this episode is a pretty familiar one, and it may seem rather obvious, but as someone who is a sucker for oldies like this, I liked it. We can wallow in our misery over what we do not have or we can make something more of our lives. Just because the message is positive, and has been sent many times in other media, it doesn't make it bad. I liked this episode a lot for the way Purity's character is explored and given more colors. I only take a point off because of the predictable crying and shouting about not having her birthday recognized.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Turnabout

Long John and his new French captain dine together.

Plot synopsis: While returning from a profitable (and legitimate) journey, Long John's ship is grabbed by the French.

Thoughts:

The way in which the French are portrayed doesn't appear to have varied much over the decades. They are always arrogant fops in whatever English show they appear in. They're also always slaves to their bellies. Long John manages to get his ship back largely by appealing to the gourmet wishes of the new captain and offering to serve as ship's cook. The notion that an occupying power would trust an enemy to prepare meals is a pretty absurd one, particularly without forcing the chef to taste the food first.

At one point, Long John is forced to tell how he makes his ragout and quite a few lines of dialog are spent detailing the cooking process. In a modern show, there is no chance that so much onscreen time would be spent discussing food preparation. In the end, it is allowing him access to kitchen utensils which allows him to take his ship back.

The carelessness of the French in allowing Long John to walk out of the kitchen with a good sharp knife is a little hard to believe, but no less so than Long John helping the French officer escape hanging at the end. Governor Strong's relationship with Long John would seem to be undermined seriously if he allowed a French prisoner to escape.

Long John gleefully puts a knife to the French occupier's back.

Favorite moments:

Long John's face when he puts a knife in the French officer's back is a classic Robert Newton Long John Silver look. He just looks utterly devious.

When the French officer is dressed like a woman to escape hanging, he sits on Long John's lap while a British soldier questions Long John. When the officer leaves, Long John pushes him onto the floor in a nice little comic moment.

Favorite quotes:

Long John to his Jim Hawkins (about the ship's name): "The Faithful...Ms. Purity has caused me nort but ridicule naming her that."

Long John to French officer (about the captain of the French ship): "I don't like to be rude, but he struck me as being a bit of a flap in the breeze."

Long John to French officer: "It reminds me of a dish I once had in Asia, but that was a monkey's brain."

Stray notions:

When Long John hears a cannonade from his cabin, he asks Jim to fetch his hat and coat. Is it really necessary to pause and dress properly before attending to cannon fire?

Long John is grateful to the French for "running off the pirates". This is strange considering he and his crew are pirates. You'd think they'd have some empathy for others who fly the Jolly Roger.

Long John smashes his plum duff in the face of the French officer who occupies his ship. I never heard of plum duff before this show, but there's a recipe for it on the BBC's web site here.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I liked a lot of things about this episode including the fact that so much of it took place at sea and that Long John did a turn as cook. That revealed a little about his past before he became a pirate captain. I also liked how Long John used the old trick of dressing up a person he wants to help escape as a woman in order to sneak him past the guards. Though this is pretty old hat by now, I like to think it was a little less stale as a bit when this series aired. The ending is also cute.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Sword of Vengeance

Sean O'Flaherty and his fiancee engage Long John in some obligatory chat at the end of the episode.

Plot synopsis: Near the end of an unproductive journey, Long John's ship comes across a Spanish ship full of dead men. Hoping to profit, he boards the ship and finds a surviving English prisoner who he assists in rescuing his girl and avenging his father.

Thoughts:

There is a voiceover throughout the episode and a few minutes in which is narrated as if it were being offered by a crew member, but the voice is a pretty measured and literate one so it doesn't work very well in convincing the viewer of its origin. It was a bit of an odd start and a big change in tone from the previous episodes. Usually, the stories carry themselves, but this time it's as if the story was being told and illustrated by clips of what was happening on board Long John's ship. It had a real feel of being read from a novel.

The entire episode made me feel off-kilter because of the narration. It's like I was watching a different television series. In fact, one thing that I'm struck by at this point is that there is a lot of inconsistency in the tone of the show across the various episodes that I have seen and written posts about to this point. I'm not sure what it was shifting so much, but I'm guessing it had more to do with different writers rather than any intention to change the status quo.

By the end, I had a strong sense that the point of this episode was to act as a pilot for the rescued fellow, Sean O'Flaherty. The story belonged to him as much as it belonged to the pirates, possibly more. They were treated like a taxi service to deliver him to his lady. Most of the episode after he arrives on the island occupied by the Spanish is taken up by his sword fighting and miscellaneous swashbuckling activities.

Favorite moments:

The pirates fan their ailing prisoner as he recovers on the deck. This strikes me as comically solicitous behavior coming from pirates.

When fiancee and fiance are reunited, he leaps in the window and kisses his girlfriend square on the chin. I love the chaste way in which actors behaved in the 50s and 60s. Now, you see people practically eating each others faces when they snog.

Conseulla, an evil Spanish woman, is killed when stabbed through the door. Her death is pretty badly acted, and I liked the way they avoided someone obviously murdering a woman by employing the "through the door" killing.

The hero staggers out the door and greets the main character who has taken a back seat to him in this episode.

Favorite quotes:

Long John to his crew: "Quiet you swabs, his brain be wanderin'."

Sean O'Flaherty to pirates: "My father has been avenged". (I liked this because it reminded me so much of the classic line from the Princess Bride - "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.")

Stray notions:

The surviving pirate on the Spanish ship that looks a lot like Viggo Mortenson at first glance, but less like him later when he's writhing in bed trying not to croak. Once he cleans up, he looks a bit like Errol Flynn. I believe this was intentional.

Things were not subtle in old television and movies for the most part. When a woman poisons her drink because she's being forced to marry a man she hates, "POISON" is written on the bottle in big letters. I guess they think a certain look in her eyes and the knowledge that she's pouring something into the glass from a strange bottle wasn't enough to cue the audience about what she was up to.

All of the Spanish tend to be overdressed, and speak in an overtly sinister fashion. The woman, Conseulla, was so shifty-eyed that I thought she might have some sort of ocular impairment.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I liked the fact that this episode shows the pirates prioritizing what pirates do, gold. I didn't like the fact that it quickly evolved into a sword fighting show and focused on a guest character. After it turned into Sean O'Flaherty's sword fight adventure, I lost all interest. I give this points mainly because of the start of the show where Long John and crew find a ship of the dead and have a mystery on their hands for a little while. I take away most of those points because of the boring second half. I can easily see skipping this episode in the future when I watch episodes of the show again. Frankly, I felt like this episode was overtly manipulating the audience to like Sean O'Flaherty rather than to tell a tale.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Ship O' the Dead

Jim spies the ship of the dead from his little boat as he's out sailing.

Plot synopsis: Jim Hawkins sees a ship full of dead mean, The Rachel, and no one believes him, so he endeavors to prove he's telling the truth.

Thoughts:

This episode has a lovely opening sequence which features an exchange between Purity and Long John where he reminisces about what it was like to be a boy and dream of living out the adventures of famous explorers. It not only provided a window into Long John's psyche and past, but also reminded me of what it was like when I was a kid growing up and used to "play" by role playing. With video games and television, I don't even know to what extent kids still engage in this sort of behavior, but I enjoyed the conversation between the two main characters and the warm feeling it brought back about childhood.

The driving force behind this story, a ghost ship, is a favorite in sailor lore and one that I like in nearly every execution I've experienced it in, from Monkey Island game to movies to T.V. shows. Even when you know the concept and expect that the ship is either empty or someone is tricking others, it's still fun to see how it plays out.

This is the first episode that I have re-watched that is offered largely from Jim's perspective. He is the central character and he gets some voice-over narration. It's interesting that the show only uses this sort of voice-over for Jim. My guess is that is because, as a child, he isn't allowed to expand as much on his thoughts as the adult characters because he doesn't have many same-age compatriots with which to exchange dialog.

Jim eyes his pocket knife and considers escaping before he's tossed into the sea and left to drown.

Favorite moments:

Both Long John and Purity scold Jim for returning late from a sojourn on his own small boat in a scene which shows their parental role in his life more clearly than most episodes.

The avaricious pirates reveling in their gold is a lovely bit of acting ham.

I like how Jim steals a gun from a sleeping pirate, but it's clear that the only reason he manages it is that the pirate is drunk as he nearly knocks over his bottle of booze.

Though it strains credibility, I like how Jim pretends to be an adult pirate and stuffs a gun in the back of the pirate at the helm to get him to return to Porto Bello and run the ship aground.

Favorite quotes:

Purity to Long John: "Men be no better than children. Where'd they be without women to anchor them to earth?"

Stray notions:

The idea that a boy can't become a man if his maternal figure holds him too near and dear is offered in this episode.

Kit Taylor, who plays Jim Hawkins, is a convincing child in distress when no one believes his story.

Jim gets grabbed an awful lot about by hostile pirates and locked in rooms.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I liked this episode a lot. There were moments of heart and sympathy as well as an interesting premise. I liked the pacing, and the story being centered on Jim Hawkins. The only thing which I didn't like was the doubt Long John and Purity had of Jim's word. I think at least one of them should have had faith in his word.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: The Tale of a Tooth

Long John takes Jim Hawkins to the dentist and regards the "cash only in advance" sign with disdain.

Plot synopsis: Long John has a toothache, and everyone suffers.

Thoughts:

Toothaches used to be the antagonist in many television shows, but not so much these days. I guess that the state of dentistry in the past made people far more reluctant to get their teeth looked after and the idea that someone would tolerate the pain of the ache rather than the agony of the dentist visit had verisimilitude. I recall that a toothache was a storyline (or part of one) in many of the television comedies of the 70's that I watched as a child (including M*A*S*H).

When Long John grows temperamental and yells at everyone, the pirates use superstition rather than logic to explain his change in behavior. They say that a devil has flown into his "craw". It somehow escapes their notice that Long John keeps grabbing at his jaw in pain. This is a nice little throwback to the times when there were thoughts of sea monsters and ghost ships.

Part of the story involves Long John sparring with a Scottish dentist and all of the cliches surrounding the cheapness and frugality of the Scots is trotted out for this episode. I'm not sure how Scottish folks feel about this, but it occurs to me that this is one of those long-running stereotypes that continues to be used. It probably was no fresher in the 50's when this episode was made than it is now.

Long John cradles a sock full of hot salt next to his aching tooth.

Favorite moments:

Long John yells at Jim and blames him for doing his job badly. As Jim takes Long John's food to toss overboard, he looks genuinely downtrodden.

To soothe his pain, Long John scoops salt into a frying pan and heats it up. He pours the hot salt into a stocking and holds it against his jaw.

Favorite quotes:

Long John to crewmen: "When I order swabbin', swab!"

Long John to Jim: "The hammerin's beatin' so hard... I can feel the pain in the toes of the leg I ain't got!"

Mr. Ross: What good is your money to you without your life?"
Angus MacCallister: "What good is my life to me without my money?"

Long John to MacCallister (a dentist): "I'd rather take this tooth to me grave than give you a penny."

Stray notions:

Jim seems to have never actually had a toothache (though he has one at the start of the episode). When Long John complains about the agony he is in, he says, "but it's just a toothache." Anyone who has ever had a toothache knows that they can be excruciating. My father once got drunk and tried to shoot the tooth that was paining him out of his jaw. Fortunately, my mother stopped him before he blew half of his face off.

Long John's crew seem to have paper thin loyalty as they are willing to mutiny when he gets crabby from his toothache. Yet, they are willing to rescue a couple of British subjects from a heavily-defended Spanish fort on Long John's orders without any promise of reward to themselves. Being ordered to do something that could get them killed is fine by them, but not being bullied about swabbing the deck or putting up with some crabbiness.

Part of this episode involves attacking a Spanish fort, and the set is truly dreadful. It looks like it was made for a high school musical production. As well as cheap set construction served the episode Execution Dock, it undermines the already strained credibility of the action sequence in this episode.

Long John refuses to allow his crew to pull his tooth, but when the dentist pulls it, he says he won't need any pain killers. If he wasn't afraid of pain, why didn't he just let the crew take the tooth out rather than have the dentist do it?

Mold to Gold Rating:

My enjoyment of this episode was probably undermined by the fact that my disc was badly mastered and I watched the last 2/3 without realizing the beginning had been skipped. While I have no doubt that a lot of pettiness and bad behavior occurred on long sea voyages when people were in distress and cooped up together, I think the story just didn't work on the level of Long John troubling himself to rescue a dentist at the risk of his crew's life and his own just to have the tooth pulled by a professional.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: The Pink Pearl

Long John holds the titular pink pearl.

Plot synopsis: A gentleman (Richard Thorpe ) seeking his lost brother comes to Porto Bello and attempts to enlist Long John's help in recovering him. He carries a pink pearl, which he promises Long John is just one of many.

Thoughts:

I couldn't help but think of the Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of Black Pearl when I saw the title of this episode. I imagine pearls figured prominently in many pirate tales. The titular pearl is the bait to get Long John involved in the search for the lost brother as there is the promise of more of these beauties. The "sample" ends up where most everything of value does in old movies when security is an issue, in Purity's cleavage. I couldn't help but think that modern actresses, who are considerably more skeletal than Connie Gilchrist, could hardly hold a pearl safely between their breasts.

I noticed during this episode that every shot of "The Faithful" (Long John's ship) is the same stock footage. Sometimes it's reversed, but usually the ship is sailing to the right side of the screen. Most of the series is shot on sets, but occasionally there is an island or shore-side location shoot. This was one of those times.

In this era of cultural awareness and sensitivity, the portrayal of the natives in this episode is distractingly poor. The native people on the island Long John goes to are portrayed in what would be seen as an offensively racist fashion, particularly in the way they speak English haltingly. The native babe who loves Richard's brother looks surprisingly well-coiffed and made up as well as quite European. Her skin is about 20 shades whiter than the men of the village. She'd also be considered overweight by today's standards.

Favorite moments:

Ironhand, Purity's lackey, sneaks up behind Patch and tries to steal some food from his plate by sticking his hook into it.

The Spanish soldier with a badly-dubbed voice sounds like he's from Texas. The very badly synchronized evil laughter was a highlight, too.

The native woman sneaks the pearls for Long John into a piece of fruit so that he can conceal them from Ironhand, who is acting as Purity's spy on board the ship and would have let her know how much Long John was paid.

Favorite quotes:

Chief: "You say white man friend but white man...go." (the pregnant pause seems ill-placed and amuses me)

Long John to his crew mate: "It be about time to strip down to your pants and get ready".

Richard Thorpe and his very European-looking "native" girlfriend.

Stray notions:

You know from the moment the Euro-native woman lays eyes on Richard that they'll end up together, despite the fact that she is supposedly mourning the loss of his brother. Those native babes just can't resist a white man.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I like episodes where Long John sets sail and head's to some place rather than sitting in Porto Bello squabbling with Purity or getting accused of crimes. Unfortunately, the natives are so badly acted and written and the Spanish so mustache-twirlingly bad that it's hard to have empathy for anyone. This episode was proof that you can succeed with a heavy dose of ham, but only if the actors have the charisma to pull it off. The conclusion is also rather unsatisfying in its brevity and lack of imagination.

The Adventures of Long John Silver: The Eviction

The deliciously foppish Lord Ellington.

Plot synopsis: Lord Ellington, a man of some power in England and a coffee bean plantation owner, pressures governor Henry Strong into closing down the Cask and Anchor, Purity's establishment. Long John must do what he can to get the bar reopened.

Thoughts:

This episode has an interesting introductory sequence added in with Jim Hawkins commenting on his status as a lad of quality being raised in a place like Porto Bello. I'm not sure what motivated this change in the series opening, but I believe it is used in some future episodes as well. Perhaps this was done to make the show seem more like it was geared toward the children. Since my episodes are essentially tossed onto the disc in no discernible order (and I'm missing many of them as they aren't available on DVD), I can't know when this change occurred or if it was only added as padding when the story time came up short.

Purity turns on Long John rather quickly when he fails to convince the governor to allow her to keep the Cask and Anchor open. As Purity falls apart at the loss of her reason to live, Long John fumbles to comfort her and invites her aboard his ship. As can be expected, her typical female influence cramps Long John's shipboard style. Long John says her actions turn the ship into a "hen house." The fact that Purity so often acts on what can be seen the most extreme 1950's housewife behavior is one of the reasons that I find her character so grating. It also makes it hard to understand why Long John bothers to maintain a relationship with her. Granted, he's no prize pig himself, but she's always henpecking him like a starving chicken.

Miss Purity adds touches of "home" to Long John's cabin, much to his dismay.

Favorite moments:

The fop (Lord Ellington) antagonist threatens to shut down Purity's "den of iniquity." He is the epitome of the ridiculous blowhard who acts as a thorn in everyone's side. His wig is askew and he blusters loudly. I don't know why I find the thorough embodiment of a stereotype so gratifying, but I do.

Lord Ellington weakly backhands an underling who he has tied to a chair and admonishes him to call him "m'lord" in the future. It's deliciously played out and works largely because the slap is so lacking in force and Lord Ellington's demeanor so nonthreateningly fey. In modern shows, I'm sure this would have been played out visciously rather than limply.

Favorite quotes:

Purity to guards: "I'll thank you to keep your voice down or I'll tear your tongue out; don't you know when you're addressin' a lady!"

Governor Henry Strong to Lord Ellington: "Perhaps you have a penchant for catastrophes."

Patch to Long John: "A man might as well be in the King's own navy as aboard ship with Ms. Purity there."

Stray notions:

The authorities seem to think they can bust in on anyone anywhere as they charge into Purity's establishment and threaten her.

The governor is far too chummy with Long John on some occasions, and far too harsh at others. I guess pirates have a serious polarizing effect on government officials.

A Spanish conspirator hands money to a man who he thinks is Lord Ellington and says, "here is your blood money." I don't know if that moment would have played so obviously in the 1950's because I don't know when the term "blood money" entered the vernacular, but it seems like comically literal writing.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I'm torn about this episode because I love the way Lord Ellington is played to the hilt, but hate the tidy way in which he is conspiring with the Spanish as an easy out for the story and Miss Purity is such a feminist's nightmare. If an average episode can be seen as a "5", I'm thinking that this deserves a small boost for the fine fop and the addition of a little shipboard pirate action sequence (which is all too rare for this adventure series).

The Adventures of Long John Silver: Execution Dock

Long John frantically asserts that he doesn't want to die as the noose sits around his neck.

Plot synopsis: Long John is sick and while resting, he dreams that he has returned to England to face the Execution Dock for his life of piracy.

Thoughts:

This episode opens with Miss Purity sitting in her tavern peeling potatoes. It struck me as I watched that most video entertainment rarely shows people actually doing practical things anymore. You rarely see someone washing dishes, actively preparing food, making a bed, or vacuuming a floor. Most of the time, the characters are watching T.V., messing around on a computer, or just sitting or standing around talking. If they're eating, you mainly see them consuming take-out food from containers. I'm not sure if this is a reflection of how we live in an age of leisure or not, but I think that the situations in video entertainment play better when people are communicating in something resembling a real life situation.

This episode can be seen as using one of the big contrivances of the video age to tell a story that can't be told within the scope of the show. That is, a dream is used to play out a scenario that could never happen. I'm inclined to be very charitable about this old trope being used since it was a much more youthful trope when this series was made. Also, there's not much of an effort made to masquerade the fact that it must be a dream once Long John reaches England because of the surreal set design, sound effects, and casting choices.

The structure of the episode gives the viewers an opportunity to see a more self-reflective angle on Long John's life than otherwise might be possible. Long John is a relatively simple man who is devious and keeps his feelings about his acts relatively subdued. Those who judge him at trial actually represent Long John's condemnation of himself for his life's work and his protestations are his rationalizations of those actions. It shows that Long John knows on some level that he's using and mistreating some of those who know and love him.

The set design for the trial and execution dock are chillingly brilliant. You have a strong sense that this is what someone like Long John might imagine since he has never seen the real thing and only imagines certain elements. This is a case where cheap set construction worked very effectively.

Long John faces a trial for the misdeeds he has done.

Favorite moments:

While Purity and his pirate's are looking over a sickly Long John, they keep saying his face looks different colors. He says "white, pink, purple, I sound like a flamin' rainbow." Such a line would never get by as a straight one in this day and age; I mean that literally.

Robert Newton, who passed away shortly after this series ended, pounds on the table and insists that "there be 50 good years left in me" and everyone around him shakes a head "no" in turn. Long John responds with a sad and dispirited look and says, "well, 30". I found this very sadly ironic.

Jim Hawkins is a child who explains the pragmatic nature of refraining from smoking, drinking, and excitement to the complaining adult Long John. It's a nice moment as Jim tells Long John that he can go back to his debauched lifestyle if he just abstains for awhile and gets better. It seems like a tender turnabout of the role Long John usually assumes looking after Jim.

Long John writes his will and the collection of items he leaves behind and who he leaves them to is entertaining. In particular, he leaves a shrunken head to one of his crew members saying that it "cures pains in the back."

Favorite quotes:

Long John to Purity: "I've never been sick a day in me life; tis nort but a touch of land-bound fever."

Long John's Doctor to Purity: "He's like a kettle of water left to boil too long. Sooner or later, it explodes."

Purity: "You know there are other things Long John, like the love of a good woman."
Long John: "I don't feel up to that kind of talk."

Stray notions:

All of the officials in Porto Bella are rather foppish, including the doctor who looks after Long John.

Connie Gilchrist, who plays Purity, gets a rare moment of gravity in this episode when she testifies against Long John in the dream sequence. It's good to see her not playing a loud, brash tavern keeper for a change.

The doctor looks deep into Long John's mouth and pronounces him almost completely recovered. That's some diagnostic tool there.

Mold to Gold Rating:

This is considered by many to be not only the best episode of "The Adventures of Long John Silver," but a fairly advanced bit of play writing. I think it would be quite a bit talkier if this sort of episode were written in the modern day, but I'm not so sure that that would make it better.