The Adventures of Long John Silver: The Pink Pearl

Long John holds the titular pink pearl.

Plot synopsis: A gentleman (Richard Thorpe ) seeking his lost brother comes to Porto Bello and attempts to enlist Long John's help in recovering him. He carries a pink pearl, which he promises Long John is just one of many.

Thoughts:

I couldn't help but think of the Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of Black Pearl when I saw the title of this episode. I imagine pearls figured prominently in many pirate tales. The titular pearl is the bait to get Long John involved in the search for the lost brother as there is the promise of more of these beauties. The "sample" ends up where most everything of value does in old movies when security is an issue, in Purity's cleavage. I couldn't help but think that modern actresses, who are considerably more skeletal than Connie Gilchrist, could hardly hold a pearl safely between their breasts.

I noticed during this episode that every shot of "The Faithful" (Long John's ship) is the same stock footage. Sometimes it's reversed, but usually the ship is sailing to the right side of the screen. Most of the series is shot on sets, but occasionally there is an island or shore-side location shoot. This was one of those times.

In this era of cultural awareness and sensitivity, the portrayal of the natives in this episode is distractingly poor. The native people on the island Long John goes to are portrayed in what would be seen as an offensively racist fashion, particularly in the way they speak English haltingly. The native babe who loves Richard's brother looks surprisingly well-coiffed and made up as well as quite European. Her skin is about 20 shades whiter than the men of the village. She'd also be considered overweight by today's standards.

Favorite moments:

Ironhand, Purity's lackey, sneaks up behind Patch and tries to steal some food from his plate by sticking his hook into it.

The Spanish soldier with a badly-dubbed voice sounds like he's from Texas. The very badly synchronized evil laughter was a highlight, too.

The native woman sneaks the pearls for Long John into a piece of fruit so that he can conceal them from Ironhand, who is acting as Purity's spy on board the ship and would have let her know how much Long John was paid.

Favorite quotes:

Chief: "You say white man friend but white man...go." (the pregnant pause seems ill-placed and amuses me)

Long John to his crew mate: "It be about time to strip down to your pants and get ready".

Richard Thorpe and his very European-looking "native" girlfriend.

Stray notions:

You know from the moment the Euro-native woman lays eyes on Richard that they'll end up together, despite the fact that she is supposedly mourning the loss of his brother. Those native babes just can't resist a white man.

Mold to Gold Rating:

I like episodes where Long John sets sail and head's to some place rather than sitting in Porto Bello squabbling with Purity or getting accused of crimes. Unfortunately, the natives are so badly acted and written and the Spanish so mustache-twirlingly bad that it's hard to have empathy for anyone. This episode was proof that you can succeed with a heavy dose of ham, but only if the actors have the charisma to pull it off. The conclusion is also rather unsatisfying in its brevity and lack of imagination.